Wesley's Wisdom #1 - Sunday Funday!

 Friends!! It's The Wesley!  Hi there!!

Rosie told y'all earlier this week that she and her mama won't be at the market on Sunday, which is a major bummer, right?  So, since she's visiting her nana and pawpaw, and you can't get your weekly cookie fix at the market, imma give you guys some alternit aldernate, uh...different options on how you can spend your day.  Here goes.

No way this is better than chasing squirrels.

Okay, rumor has it that this Sunday is some kind of human holiday ritualistic sporting event of sorts.  Lots of people at your place, huh?  Don't hide under the bed with your chew toys! Go all out!  Enjoy it! Here are some ideas to get you started:

BLUE!!

How about you help your dad with those brats and burgers?

Okay, we all know what happens when daddies grill and watch sporting events at the same time.  There's a lot of swear words, burned sausages, and we puppies FEAST BOUNTIFULLY!!!  Today is no different.  If your parents can't take you to the market to get Rosie's delicious cookies, it's only fair that you get to man (or dog..) the grilling station when your dad is otherwise occupied.

Daddies can't pay attention to all those burgers and brats while that tall guy in orange is complaining about hurting his foot all the time (ohmyPAW!! ohmyPAW!!), amiright?

Daddy's toy.  Puppy's vending machine.

I like the "snatch and sail" approach, myself.

1) Jump up on grill (careful, those glowing lumps of kitty litter are HOT!!).

2) Pull back lips to expose front chompers. The short stubby ones work best..sometimes the long ones get stuck in stuff.

3) Grab sausages/burgers/chickens and FLING ACROSS THE PATIO!!


This will not only render them unfit for human consumption (crazy humans, it's just DIRT!!), but it will also help disperse heat so you can enjoy without too much distress.

FORTY TWO!!

So many snacks.  So little time.

If you're not into grilling, how 'bout helping your mama play hostess?

Same general idea, but on an easier target, with less chance of scalding your eyeballs. Which hurts, btw.  Been there. Done that.  Not recommended.  

If your mama is anything like mine, she'll be bustling in and out of the kitchen carrying trays of vegetables (stay away from those, they're gross), chips (getting better), potato skins (fart city, but definitely worth it) and sausages (BINGO!! CA-CHING!! JACKPOT!!).

Why not help a lady out?

If you're a little pooch, your job is easy.  As she's coming out of the kitchen with a tray in her hand, merely step in front of her; stop, wag your tail, and offer assistance.

She will:
a) trip over you, sending yummy goodness flying in all directions (make it rain!! make it rain!!);
b) give you a reward as you escort her to the snack table; or
c) scoot you out of the way with her foot (sucks being small! sorry!).  

I like option one, myself, but a little modified to fit my, um..girth.  See, I'm a big guy.  My mom can't trip over me, I'm a canine road block.  And she's gotta pay the toll.

Delicious, delicious toll.

HUT!! HUT!!

Don't want to work so hard on your day off?  Let the snacks come to you!  Let me introduce you to a wonderful concept I call "making a new buddy."

Lots of people over, right?  Couch full, coffee table brimming with beers and sodas, humans yelling at the television and actually WATCHING commercials?  I gotta admit, that one with the little goldie and the horse made me cry, uh, made my allergies act up a bit.  I digress.

Lots of people mean lots of opportunities to show off your stuff.  Definitely use this to your advantage.  Look around the room.  There will be a very cute blonde girl wearing an oversized (read: boyfriend's) team jersey.  She'll be asking stuff like, "so, are we offense or defense right now?" and "what is that yellow flag for again?"

We like these girls.  There's one in every crowd.  They're breathing snack dispensers. 

Why?  They so totally aren't at your house to watch the big game.  These ladies are sitting on your couch, snacking on your chips and sausages so their boyfriends will take them shopping next Saturday.  These girls are lonely and a little overwhelmed.  It's our JOB to keep them company, even on our day off!

THIS face.  I call it The Wesley.

All you gotta do is give her this face:

And she'll give you anything you want!  Snacks, belly rubs, oh-so-coveted butt rubs, you name it. But remember, you're there to comfort her while the boyfriend yells at the guy in orange, so don't hesitate to hop right up in her lap and give her a great big kiss or twelve.  

SPIKE!!

Time for some entertainment!

Once you're full of sausages, potato skins, cookies, and have gotten your fill of butt and/or belly rubs, why not go sit with the kids and watch the PUPPY BOWL?!  This is seriously the best thing on television.  All those cute little girl puppies prancing around...mmm... irresistible.  And when the little boy puppies get in wrestling matches?  It's like Wrestlemania 2014: Puppy Edition.  Best thing ever!

Ask your mama to put it on the puppy channel in the spare bedroom (they call it "Animal Planet", but seriously, it's the puppy channel), and let the good times roll!

Well, there you have it.  With all these neat tricks, you guys won't even miss Rosie's cookies this week, amiright?  But don't worry, Rosie and her mama will be back at the Melrose market in one week - or you can always go to www.rosiesbarkery.com and buy a couple bags to tide you over!

Enjoy the big game, everyone!